


Radio Silence

by tocasia



Series: Our Shining Past [25]
Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: AU, Angst, Gen, Memories, Sad, Sephiroth and Zack friendship, communication is important, friends can talk about things right? but that's hard, the war in Wutai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 04:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12183096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tocasia/pseuds/tocasia
Summary: In Wutai, there was no holding back.  The memories, either.  But the words....(60.coping, sorrow) for Seph&Zack Friendship 100 Themes





	Radio Silence

"...you do remember their names."

"Yes, some."

"So you only try not to?" Zack asked. "Why?"

"Sometimes I only remember the names from the memorials."

* * *

Secretly, Sephiroth hated coffee.

It had become a familiar ritual the way he'd honestly hoped it would. He drank it because it was a "normal" office thing to do. He could pretend that the caffeine worked and that he liked the taste. He could pretend that he cared how it was made and how much sugar there should be. Because he'd decided those things, they were at least partially true. And he was allowed to complain about coffee and probably no one would die as a result.

He could _pretend_ he didn't miss the war.

Here he was, the Great General Sephiroth, drained and worn out, stuck in the miasmic soporific mire of bureaucracy in a way he'd never been on the field.

Zack came up to his desk and offered to take a share of the paperwork. "Hey, Seph. I can do those."

His friend's powers of observation were remarkably astute. Was it that obvious? Maybe it shone in his eyes sometimes.

Sephiroth was grateful for the rescue. Did Zack already know his secret?

"Thank you."

Zack left with the stack of folders he indicated. Smiling, he noticed that Zack had also saved him from the coffee by absconding with the rest of it. 

Did Zack like coffee, or did he drink it for the same reason Sephiroth did?

* * *

SOLDIER Third Class Fair wrote the letter, as General Sephiroth had ordered him to do.

 _I hope this letter finds you well._  
_Sorry you haven't heard from me for a while._  
_I made it to Midgar okay and joined SOLDIER, and now I'm Third Class and I'm stationed in Wutai..._

Lieutenant General Fair, SOLDIER First Class didn't remember what else he'd written. What he might've said at the beginning of the war seemed impossibly far away. His younger self's bragging and complaints would be laughable in hindsight. No... he wouldn't think of it like that. Plenty of his friends hadn't survived to _have_ hindsight. He was lucky. He was living his dream of being a hero. He was lucky.

_Your loving son,  
Zack Fair_

They never wrote back, anyway.

* * *

The sounds of gratuitous property damage attracted Sephiroth's attention.

Beneath Sector 4, another shabby market stall collapsed when the SOLDIER Second careened into it. He kipped up in time, barely evading the next cleaving attack that sliced through the concrete wall behind him. Readjusting his grip on his weapon, he swung at the other Second, whose sword met his in a shower of sparks. They both leapt into the air, each seeking greater height and gravity's assistance in their clash for dominance.

All the spectators were of lower rank (any civilians had already fled, if they knew what was good for them), and although a few clearly wanted to intervene, it would have been too dangerous for them to do so.

Sephiroth did not have to order the Seconds to Stop their illicit duel when he could just cast it.

The power of his spell denied their landing. Glass, splinters, dirt, trash... all things as were tribute to the filth of the slums, the glittering wreckage joining the combatants, themselves hanging motionless, their whirlwind of violence preserved, captured, held up to the world as a demonstration of his will.

He stepped past the awestruck watchers into the circle of suspended debris.

"Your excuses mean nothing to me, but I will hear them."

"Ha! You expect soldiers not to fight? Now that you went and won the war?" The Second cackled darkly. "Tell me you don't miss it too, sir!"

Sephiroth summoned Masamune. It coalesced in his hand, trailing wisps of pale green energy. Someone gasped.

It had been a secret.

"I do miss it."

He studied his target for a moment before deciding on a simple stab through the heart. It was not that interesting.

Death followed swiftly, in absolute stillness.

"Are there any others who wish to remind me of that?"

Silence.

He refused to believe he was disappointed.

They expected to see blood when he withdrew the sword. Of course there was none. There wouldn't be, even after he dismissed the spell. Masamune's blade was always clean. He thought maybe he should laugh at that.

"The war is over. Now, your duty as SOLDIER is to keep the peace. Do not forget."

The surviving Second lost all hope when Sephiroth told him to report to Professor Hojo in the labs.

Keep the peace! Wasn't that nice. In Wutai, they'd had to _take_ it! Take orders, lives, towns, a whole damn continent....

Time came back. That which was broken returned to the earth.

* * *

Zack lounged on a couch in Icicle Inn, trying to stay warm against the frigid but admittedly picturesque view out the window. He'd rented a couple of chocobos for his mission to bring fresh rations and supplies to the cabin at the base of Gaea's Cliffs. He'd promised Reno they'd attempt the climb someday.

Zack caught the memorial service on tv. His own speech had been recorded earlier in case he got snowed in like this.

General Sephiroth swept the audience with his gaze. He looked even more impeccable than he usually did for the cameras and wore ribbons on his coat. Not his personal awards and decorations, but the same tokens of remembrance worn by the veterans and their families.

Zack knew that no one wrote the memorial speeches for him. Those had to be authentic, respectful, true.

"Remember, on this day!" He did not need to raise his voice to make them hear him. "Not only the losses, but what was won. The peace we protected and continue to protect. Remember the men and women who served, the soldiers whose bravery in Wutai carried us to victory. In return, we carry the dreams of the fallen into the future that they may never be forgotten."

He bowed his head.

"Those who are here today, and those who are gone, we thank you."

There was polite and solemn applause. Then the moment of silence began.

Having observed it, Zack changed the channel and went in search of another blanket. He found a folded up quilt that someone must have put a lot of effort into. They must've loved whoever it was originally for.

* * *

Jenova did not understand why he'd ever come home. She'd been happier when he was actively participating in the cycle of nature. She didn't use words, exactly, but clearly communicated her opinions:

_boring, office, paperwork, why aren't you the President?_

Sephiroth wondered what would happen when they finally located the Promised Land. Would he conquer it for Shinra? Probably.

_Why for Shinra?_

Why indeed?

* * *

It was obvious that Seph wanted his boring peaceful office life because he was trying hard not to want something else.

Was Zack also bored? He told himself he wasn't. He did _not_ miss Wutai. But... after everything he'd done to get them, it sucked that his enhanced SOLDIER senses were no longer necessary. What he'd so diligently worked for was now a nuisance. He had to wall himself off in a cottony haze to avoid headaches or worse. There was no purpose, no release, without combat. At least he didn't have to wear gloves all the time like Seph did. Wait... with the rest of what Seph wore, that didn't make sense.

It was too bad Zack couldn't talk to him about the war. It'd be a good discussion. Zack could admit that he tried hard to be cheerful, too.

Instead, they only shared their experience in Wutai by _not_ talking about it, and he was tired of that.

Zack entered Sephiroth's office.

"Hello, Zack."

Seph signed paperwork with his left hand while absentmindedly letting flames dance in his right, the way other people got caught up in listening to music through their headphones.

It was a sign of trust that he allowed Zack to see him like that. Sephiroth loved fire. He'd explained once: "Fire is destroying, all-consuming, bringer of light. Subject only to tenuous control, it is the catalyst for rebirth." He'd said it so seriously (passionately?) that Zack suspected Seph wanted to _be_ fire, or maybe thought he already was.

"You're doing the thing with the fire again."

"What thing with the fire?"

"That thing you always do to calm down."

"And?"

This was dangerous. It was always dangerous. Zack hoped his own subordinates didn't fear him to that extent. Be brave, Zack. "I want to talk about Wutai. Not necessarily the ...bad parts, but, a lot happened over there."

Sephiroth frowned, but did not look up from his work. "Can't you talk to the other generals?"

"I have, but.... One, it's not the same as what we did in SOLDIER, you know that. Two, I'm not worried so much about them, or even myself, but about you."

"Zack."

"Are you going to send me away again?"

"Get out."

* * *

The battles he fought now, on the practice field, were lies.

"You're training to be SOLDIERS, not actors! Attack the enemy's body, not their weapon!"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Though, if any of you do wish to leave and study stage combat, I won't hold it against you. Choreographing a sword fight for entertainment has challenges of its own, because _real_ fights are over..."

Sephiroth had the line disarmed before they could blink. He stared at the fire in his hand.

"...in an instant."

* * *

"Did you know the names of everyone under your command?" Sephiroth asked.

"I tried to."

"I bet they loved you for that. Effective?"

"It was, yeah," Zack said.

* * *

Everyone had secrets. He would never tell Zack the _details_ of what he still longed for. He needed his friend to believe in his humanity because he didn't.

But what if... Zack was the same?


End file.
